Mirror, Mirror on the Wall

“MIRROR, MIRROR ON THE WALL….”

I believe that a key element of our establishing rapport comes when others can see a ‘reflection of themselves’ in you – or you in them.

When I was a teenager, I held common cause with anyone who dressed and similarly and had the ‘right’ length of hair as me. Moving on a few years, whilst not automatically identifying with these characteristics, I think there was always some sub conscious act of positive recognition.

If we are to be effective as leaders, then we need to have an awareness of how this process of reflection can instantaneously unbalance our decision-making and problem solving.

I’ve always found it fascinating being on an interview panel, and I’ve served on many, usually in an HR or governance role. Playing these roles allows for the opportunity to sit back and take in the whole picture more often than not and on many occasions I have been witness to the reflection principle. On occasion I’ve even seen interviewers interviewing themselves!

I’d better explain myself here, I have sat on panels where interviewers are so effusive about the ‘passion & enthusiasm’ demonstrated by a candidate, they could almost be playing the role of advocate.

On one occasion a particular candidate’s behaviour, style and approach was very close to that of the interviewer – let’s call him Alan – so much so that he was actually interviewing himself! Well, in so far as being positively drawn to those characteristics that were like his own.

This is not unusual, nor is it necessarily a bad thing, but we need to be aware of when this ‘matching’ is occurring.

Putting the boot on the other foot, if we can see a strong style of behaviour in someone else, perhaps where we are being ‘interviewed’, then the matching of behaviour can help build rapport fairly quickly.

A ‘matching model’ that I like to use is one that uses the ‘elemental metaphors’ of fire, wood, metal & water.

Fire seeks passion, enthusiasm and action; wood seeks experience, solidity and gravitas; metal cuts to the chase is hard and emphasises directness, facts and figures and a commitment to the bottom line; water desires to be calm, soothed, reassured. Identifying and ‘matching’ (not parroting) these characteristics can substantially accelerate relationship building.

For more information on matching and mirroring contact me via http://www.jeffbiggin.co.uk